PYHO: Broken

I thought I was going to die on Monday.  I really did.  I have something called Wolff-Parkinson-White which has lead to another condition called SVT where my heart rate will go up to 150 beats per minute or so and stay there.  It started being this way for 5-10 minutes.  Monday it lasted 45 minutes.  Monday, while my children played I passed out.  My husband found me on our bed as I lay with my cell phone in my hand texting him telling him I needed him home.

I need to have a procedure called a cardiac ablation.  I am scared something will go wrong.  What will my babies do without their mama?  I live for my babies!  I can't leave them now.  They are too young!  I am afraid to have this done but more afraid to NOT have this done.  If left untreated it CAN kill me.  I have much more to do here and am not ready to go yet.

I need more time with my boys!  I know some may wish their time away *and I do at times too* but cherish every second with them.  I want more times like these  

I want more sweet little boy hugs, more sweet little boys saying "I lub you mama to the moon and back and to infinity and beyond!", more snuggles, more kisses, more play time, just more....more of everything....

I need these boys as much as they need me and I can't let them down.   

Sharing pictures

Please help

"Shithead", "Have a shitty day", 'Your breath smells like diarrhea", "Have a bad day", "YOU'RE STUPID!"

Did that make you a big uncomfortable?  It should. Now imagine all of that being said to a little boy.  This boy.

This is MY son.  This amazing, beautiful, smart, caring, mellow boy has heard the likes of another boy telling him he's a "shithead" all year.  

My amazing boy, my loving child has become such a different kid!  He now cries at the drop of a hat, is moody, and is fearful of going to kindergarten.

All year I have asked the school to not only stop the bully from attacking my sweet boy but to get help for the child doing the bullying.  

Instead I was told that the bully violated a code of conduct policy.  According to the Hillsborough's 6 Pillars of Conduct “As a student of Hillsborough Elementary, I will display the six pillars of character.

I will show TRUSTWORTHINESS by:

• being where I am supposed to be, when I am supposed to be there.

• telling the truth.

• keeping my word and doing the things I say that I will do.

I will show RESPECT by:

• using good manners when speaking.

• listening to teachers, staff members, and other students.

• accepting others for who they are and what they believe.

• taking proper care of school property and the property of other people.

I will show RESPONSIBILITY by:

• working to the best of my ability within my classroom.

• completing both schoolwork and homework.

• keeping track of and assuring the proper care of my personal belongings.

I will show FAIRNESS by:

• sharing with others.

• following the same rules that everyone else is required to follow.

• waiting my turn.

I will show CARING by:

• making sure that I include others in the things I am doing.

• using kind words when speaking to others.

• helping others when they need help.

I will show CITIZENSHIP by:

• following the laws of society and the rules of the school.

• helping to make school a safe place.

• doing what I can to help the community and those around me.”

And the Bully Policy states: 

1. a reasonable person should know, under the circumstances, that the act(s) will have the effect of physically or emotionally harming a student or damaging the student's property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm to his person or damage to his property;
2. has the effect of insulting or demeaning any student or group of students; or
3. creates a hostile educational environment for the student;
4. by interfering with a student’s education or by severely or pervasively causing physical or emotional harm to the student.

This is also defined in the NJ state law for bullying.

Call me wild and crazy but being the target of multiple "shithead" etc during the year, my child is a victim of bullying.  What makes it worse is that the principal is now acting as if I am doing something wrong!

What I am asking is that anyone who cares about stopping bullying join me in sending a message to Hillsborough Elementary School saying bullying isn't ok! 

Change.org|How to Start a Petition

He thanks you.

Tuesday Menu Planning?

I am overwhelmed!  I am writing for a magazine, i.d.e.a.l Magazine and am reading tons of books right now to write articles for them.  I also have had 2 IEP's for the boys, and an IEP that I am helping to work on for a friend.  I also am the co-president for our district's CPAC organization and am Vice President of New Jersey Parent Advocates.

I need to get back in the groove of things on here!  Anyway, I'll post my menu for the week in hopes to get back into writing on here.

Sunday was garlic ranch turkey burgers and chips
Monday we went to my brother-in-laws for a bbq
Tuesday we are having roast chicken (done in my crock pot) with lemon and herbs picked from my garden, mashed potatoes with gravy, and corn
Wednesday we're having chicken quesadillas
Thursday will be pineapple and cinnamon pancakes
Friday will be Beef and Broccoli and chicken nuggets
Saturday will be steak, french fries, and salad

To make the pancakes just follow the recipe for plain pancakes from Bisquick and add to it pureed pineapple and a dash of cinnamon.

PYHO: 3rd times the charm

We've suspected Matthew had autism for a while.  We were told he was typical.  Turns out we were right.  In a most shitty of ways, we found out he in fact does have PDD_NOS.

I had called asking for a case manager through our insurance company.  The case manager was looking through the paperwork and discovered one of the doctors we saw put in his paperwork that Matthew has autism.  The doctor failed to mention it to us.

That means that all 3 of the smaller boys are on the spectrum.  All three have PDD_NOS.  Each kid looks completely different with the way they present with it.

I have to keep reminding myself that the label doesn't change who he is.  He defines who he is!  He is in charge of his own path NOT some group of letters.  It doesn't make things easier right now though.  I feel like I need to be strong for everyone but inside I'm crumbling.  Right now I can't because I have these boys to think about.

Menu Planning Monday

I can't find my camera.  I'm feeling lost since I usually take pictures every day.  I'm going to have to start sharing old pictures because I don't know what else to do.

We have an IEP tomorrow for Chris.  It's round 2 and I'm hoping we can get all the kinks worked out of the draft IEP.  I don't mean to be difficult but this is my baby here and I'll do whatever I need to make sure his IEP is going to work for him.

I'm getting back to Menu Planning Monday just because it helps me keep track of what we are eating.  

Sunday: marinated flank steak, home made french fries, and salad

Monday: roast chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, and corn

Tuesday: home made spaghetti sauce, spaghetti with meatballs and sausage, and garlic bread

Wednesday: chicken and dumplings

Thursday: left over spaghetti sauce

Friday: left overs

Saturday: bbq ribs, parsley red potatoes, random veggie that my kids pick

PYHO: I'm tired

I've been on a bit of a break from writing.  I figured if I didn't have anything positive to say I should just not say anything.
 
I'm tired.

I'm broken.

I'm bitter

I'm frustrated.

I'm mad.

I'm tired of having to be the strong one.

I didn't wake up and say I wanted special needs kids but they're here and I've embraced it.

I didn't think I'd be doing most of it alone though.  I do all appointments for the kids, all IEP meetings on my own, take care of everything on my own.  My husband gets to be the fun one.  He's the guy that will play with the kids.  I'm the mean one that makes them go to appointments, do their therapies, do their homework, does feeding therapy.  I need a break.  I need to be the fun one too.  I want nothing more than to play with my kids and be called the fun mommy.  Instead I get things like Matthew telling his teachers that I'm 90 because I'm not fun and make him eat his veggies.

I need someone to tell me that life isn't fair but it will be ok.  I'm so scared of what the future holds for Chris.  I find him slipping away and getting to deal with behavior wise.  I am scared about Jon's future.  Jon is struggling with things in school.  I feel him slipping away.  He doesn't want to play with anyone.  He wants to do his own thing and that's it.

I need a good cry but I know if I do I won't stop.  Why do I get to be the lucky one chosen for all of this?