PYHO: I'm tired

I've been on a bit of a break from writing.  I figured if I didn't have anything positive to say I should just not say anything.
 
I'm tired.

I'm broken.

I'm bitter

I'm frustrated.

I'm mad.

I'm tired of having to be the strong one.

I didn't wake up and say I wanted special needs kids but they're here and I've embraced it.

I didn't think I'd be doing most of it alone though.  I do all appointments for the kids, all IEP meetings on my own, take care of everything on my own.  My husband gets to be the fun one.  He's the guy that will play with the kids.  I'm the mean one that makes them go to appointments, do their therapies, do their homework, does feeding therapy.  I need a break.  I need to be the fun one too.  I want nothing more than to play with my kids and be called the fun mommy.  Instead I get things like Matthew telling his teachers that I'm 90 because I'm not fun and make him eat his veggies.

I need someone to tell me that life isn't fair but it will be ok.  I'm so scared of what the future holds for Chris.  I find him slipping away and getting to deal with behavior wise.  I am scared about Jon's future.  Jon is struggling with things in school.  I feel him slipping away.  He doesn't want to play with anyone.  He wants to do his own thing and that's it.

I need a good cry but I know if I do I won't stop.  Why do I get to be the lucky one chosen for all of this?