Dear Lady at Kmart,
I saw you staring, making disapproving faces, and a comment about how I needed to control my children better. I was once you. I would have thought the same way you did if I saw a child in the throws of a tantrum. That was before I had my 3 youngest children.
You see, when you saw us my 4 year old was in the middle of an autism melt-down. It is a difficult thing to deal with being at home and in a store. Meltdowns happen without warning some times. We can't predict when all will happen. I wish I could predict them and stop him from a meltdown.
See things through his eyes for a minute, please. It was bright in the store, loud, and it was crowded. That means sensory overload for him. His language skills aren't there enough to tell me when he's in overload. That is when a meltdown happens.
We're old-pros with him and them. His meltdowns don't bother us any more. We go about doing what we need to and finish our tasks.
Before him I would have made a comment about controlling the behaviors of the child if I saw a kid trying to climb out of a card and screaming in a store. Now I look at a mom and ask if they want help. I'm in the "silent sister club", the club that without having to say we all know and understand each other. We understand that our children would like to behave themselves and not scream and yell.
Random Kmart lady, instead of making disapproving faces and comments, why not come over and offer help?
Thank you,
From BTDT mom
http://www.thingsicantsay.com
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
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9 comments:
oh dear, how well I know the public meltdowns. And my children are "typical" in every way. It is an awful situation and one that often makes me feel very defensive and defeated... I hope that I never make another parent feel that way!
Great Post! Yes! I have 3 year old twins and an 18month old who looks like and infant. All demanding attention. And we can't be locked in a cave either. Great post! I'm so tired of the commets or whatever. Have I left my stuff sit in a basket and carried my twins out of a building in the football hold? Yes! Would I like to write a letter to the people at KMart/Wal-mart/ and Target - YES! So thanks for doing it for us. Kristen
Don't you just love the looks and the comments? Especially those who offer advice, not having a clue that it's not just a "typical" tantrum from a child.
I almost bit someone's head off last week. I had to stop myself from firing back, "It must be so nice to be the perfect mom to perfect children."
I wasn't so nice. I loudly said "You've never seen an autistic kid melt down before?" Apparently the New Jersey has gotten in me :)
First of all, how adorable is your blog? Love it! It wasn't all that long ago that tantrums in stores made me and the hubs joke (through our pain) "See, it is good we can't have kids..." but I didn't blame the mom. Now that I am the mom of a toddler I have my own tantrum experiences. I just laugh them off as a part of the gig. I have learned a lot about autism through the blogging world, and it has definitely made me more compassionate... I love how blogs like yours raise awareness :)
Branson, we did IVF. It's almost been 7 years since our transfer. In fact it will be President's day weekend!
I have friends who just hand out cards. "My child has Asperger's syndrome". I haven't gone there yet, though with Sam I may. Caroline tends to cycle down and focus in on things that seem irrelevant. One time, leaving a minor league ballgame that ended with thrilling firewords (which she really did enjoy) she suddenly started sobbing "I want a hat! I want a hat!". Other parents were congratulating us on our restraint as parents and such willpower. And my husband finally said to one guy, "This has nothing to do with hats. She's having a meltdown because the fireworks sent her into sensory overload. IF there were a hat to be had, you can believe we'd be buying it because she probably wants something more than her hood and hands to cover her ears just now."
First off I LOVE monkeys and I am momma23monkeys!
I try to offer a helping hand or distract the child if I am in a position to do so. Although none of my children are on the spectrum they do have some sensory issues. I remember a HORRIFIC experience with my daughter at Texas Roadhouse. Hell one of the reasons I avoid Walmart if b/c it is jut TOO much for me.
What a great perspective. I think once you become a parent, and deal with different personalities of children, you empathize a lot more with other moms/parents. I hope that is the case. Offering to help is so nice.
I will never forget a lady at the gym who had two children older than my two. I was trying to get my son to swim lessons. We were late. My youngest (who was one at the time) refused to go in the stroller. She would straighten her legs as soon as I tried to put her in the seat. We were late. The stroller was out, and that kind lady...stopped to help me.
I will never forget that.
Thanks also for your comment today on my blog.
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