Pipe dreams

Last week I started a job. I haven't worked a real job in a few years. I did about 6 months in a clothes store but am not really counting that as a real job. Last week I started working in a private school for kids with significant disabilities in their transition program. I’m technically an aid but thought it was something that might be able to get me a job in the school part of their program. It has been really difficult to do this. I work all day with adults that are mentally challenged, physically challenged, autistic, have genetic syndromes.



I thought this would be a great job since not only do I have the experience as a special education teacher but being Chris’ mom would be helpful. What I got was a huge dose of reality. This is what we would be possibly facing with Christopher. I want to cry! I think that it is every parent’s dream to have their children do and be better than they are and he’s no exception. It hurts me more than anything to know that he may not be able to go to college, live on his own, and be more productive than George and I could be.


I had dreams of my boys going off to college, Penn State preferably and choosing a career that they love, finding their loves, and having families of their own. Now I have to worry about how to take care of Christopher when he reaches adulthood.



He’s starting flapping again, spinning more, and lining things up more frequently. He’s becoming more and more aggressive hitting, kicking, punching, scratching, spitting, and screaming in our faces. It sucks!


Instead of saving for his college I’m going to have to save for his future and well being without us. I don’t know if that will mean that I have to plan for one of his other brothers to take care of him when George and I have passed but I can say I will not put him in a group home. I will not let a stranger take care of my baby boy.



It sucks and there’s no way of putting it nicely. It sucks hard. I look at our children as our future and never in my life did I imagine our future looking like it will. I will have to learn to embrace our future but as of now I don’t have to like it.