I hate to be a Debbie Downer but I am. I’ve been having a really rough time right now and since I only share my blog with those who I care about and love, I’ll let you in on things. With all the appointments, evaluations, etc for the kiddies, it’s been rough. I am placing blame on myself for them being behind and I know in my my head that it's not true but I can't help but to question what I could have done differently. I question if I should have allowed them to give me the PICC line when they wanted to when I was 14 weeks pregnant and lost 30 pounds from the throwing up. I question if I should have told them that I had high blood pressure, headaches. If I wouldn't have said and kept him in me what would have happened? It makes it even more difficult when others question the same things. But, the logical side of me says things like stop dwelling on the shoulda, coulda, woulda and start focusing on what needs to be done now.
I have started researching different therapies I can do at home here with Chris. I started reading books on speech and language development and will be looking for books on motor development for him. I pushed and called every day from December 29th until last Monday to get Chris his Physical Therapy evaluation. I finally got that evaluation and was able to schedule the IFSP (the paperwork about what he will be getting as far as therapies, frequencies, etc.) for Tuesday. We will have Matthew's meeting on the 2nd for his speech therapy.
I will be writing to our school district to get Jonathan tested for the same speech difficulties that Matthew has.
I found this poem that may help to show a bit better how I have been feeling.
Welcome To Holland
byEmily Perl Kingsley
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
"But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.It’s just a different place.
It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
On to a happier note, Matthew is now completely in underwear for both the day and night! Jonathan wasn't quite there so he's still in diapers. BUT.....a few days ago I heard Matthew scold Jonathan for still being in diapers. He told Jon that only babies wear diapers and didn't he want to be a big boy too. We're trying underwear tomorrow in hopes that he's going to take the positive peer pressure to heart! And, Chris has been waving bye-bye to the pee :)
I have started researching different therapies I can do at home here with Chris. I started reading books on speech and language development and will be looking for books on motor development for him. I pushed and called every day from December 29th until last Monday to get Chris his Physical Therapy evaluation. I finally got that evaluation and was able to schedule the IFSP (the paperwork about what he will be getting as far as therapies, frequencies, etc.) for Tuesday. We will have Matthew's meeting on the 2nd for his speech therapy.
I will be writing to our school district to get Jonathan tested for the same speech difficulties that Matthew has.
I found this poem that may help to show a bit better how I have been feeling.
Welcome To Holland
byEmily Perl Kingsley
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
"But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.It’s just a different place.
It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
On to a happier note, Matthew is now completely in underwear for both the day and night! Jonathan wasn't quite there so he's still in diapers. BUT.....a few days ago I heard Matthew scold Jonathan for still being in diapers. He told Jon that only babies wear diapers and didn't he want to be a big boy too. We're trying underwear tomorrow in hopes that he's going to take the positive peer pressure to heart! And, Chris has been waving bye-bye to the pee :)
1 comment:
Hang in there! The Holland poem is one of my favorites. I am the queen of research, let me know if you want some help finding some developmental curriculim(I can't spell though) for Chris.
And I'm sending my massage therapist, maid, cook, nanny and pedicurist to you house this afternoon. Enjoy!
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